How to Know When to Go

How to Know When to Go

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We’ve all agonized over the question: should I stay or should I go?

It’s a difficult impasse, often involving some “push” and “pull” of emotions. One day we might feel  energized to “stick with it” for the long haul, only to have core issues re-surface in an amplified form. Do we continue to hope for things to improve or cut our losses and begin the process of moving on?

I generally advise people not to give up too quickly. However, there are some situations where we need to realize that enough — is well — enough.

One factor which is often a silent contributor to this decision, is the status of the psychological contract that exists between ourselves and our employer. Often, the inevitability of leaving, may have actually been cast long before the final decision to pull up roots has been made, as the core of the employer-employee relationship has already been significantly damaged.

The damage occurs when we have been let down in some way — or perceive that a promise has not been fulfilled. As such, it becomes increasingly difficult to remain committed, and we begin to lose focus and quietly disengage. In this regard, our physical departure only represents a ceremonial farewell.

Truth be told, any further investment in the employment relationship has already been halted.

The psychological contract that exists between employer and employee, plays a vital role throughout our work lives. Described in this research, this contract is “an individual’s belief regarding the terms and conditions of a reciprocal exchange agreement between that focal person and another party.”

The health of this contract can affect the development of key workplace attitudes and behaviors–job satisfaction and trust key among them. While both parties contribute to the give-and-take of the dynamic — the contract is re-calibrated over the course of an employee’s tenure. Ultimately, when either party perceives a problem with balance, a breakdown can occur.

Let me offer an illustration.

Recently I had a conversation with a highly competent marketing executive.

Unfortunately, many obstacles had emerged in his current role, among these, the lack of a well-suited path for career growth and development.

Over a period of time, he began to experience doubt that his employer had his best interests at heart. On the face of things he professed that he would remain committed — rock steady that he would continue to do his best to fulfill his role and make things work.

But, in reality, I observed that his psychological resources were waning as he was subtly disengaging. I believe he perceived that the psychological contract with his employer had been breached. (He did depart a short time later.)

The viability of this contract is critical to our work lives. When problems arise, the strength and tenor of contract can become stressed. Ultimately, it is often difficult to acknowledge that the contract has been irreparably broken, and admit that it may be time to explore new horizons.

What might be holding us back:

  • Attribution of failure. We may delay a departure because on some level we feel personally responsible for the current state. In our minds, the failure of the relationship equals a personal failure — which is often not the case. So, we remain to seek resolution.
  • Others seem happy. In some situations, the organization is just not the right environment for the specific employee, with a specific career need. Keep in mind that although opportunities might exist within your current organization, these opportunities may not be right for you.
  • Separation anxiety. Often we develop strong bonds with our colleagues, making a departure even that much more traumatic. We stay for them — when we should really be leaving for ourselves.
  • The “one more try” vice. If you have already done your best to bring core issues to the forefront without satisfactory resolution, it is difficult to find the energy to continue. You’ve likely done your part. Offer yourself permission to move on.
Dr. Marla Gottschalk
About the Author
Dr. Marla Gottschalk

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist who specializes in workplace success strategies and organizational change. She helps individuals, teams and organizations develop intelligently—to meet work life challenges with a sense of confidence and empowerment.

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