You Have to Give to Get

The best time to network is when you are happy with the job you have.

Not just because contacting people when you want something tends to make you look needy and often makes both you, and the people you are meeting, feel uncomfortable. Or that people don’t necessarily have a job available at the time you happen to need one.

But because when you are happy, you are more giving. And it is giving that really powers your network.

Everyone knows people who contact them after years of silence when they need a job or are looking for clients for their new business. Or people who cruise networking events handing out business cards and spouting their elevator pitches. Networking online eliminates those awkward encounters at dreary events. But having thousands of contacts online isn’t a strategy, either. It’s no wonder many people dread networking.

Looking at networking as a way to connect with other people and to develop relationships is far more powerful than considering it something you have to do for your career.

Sallie Krawcheck, CEO of the women’s network, Ellevate, recently wrote that she tries to follow two rules of networking:

1. I try to meet at least one new person in my area of interest every month, or significantly deepen an existing relationship.
2. I do something nice for someone in my network every week.

Relationships are crucial to networking, but it is Krawcheck’s second rule that is key. People are more likely to give to people who have been generous with them in the past. And social science research has found something even better: givers also receive from people they didn’t give to previously. Most likely, people who have become aware of your reputation as a generous person, or who see that you share your time and thoughts online.

Giving, in this context, doesn’t mean finding someone a job or investing in their company. It can be:

• Sharing your expertise through posts or videos online.
• Introducing people in your network, just because you think they have something in common or might be good working together.
• Posting jobs you learn about but aren’t interested in, or emailing people on your contact list in that field when you hear of an opening that might suit them.
• Writing online recommendations for people and companies.
• Offering to mentor someone younger or in transition.

A final point for networking success: Learn to be curious.

Ask people you meet what they do and what they need. Become interested in other people and look for ways to assist others with no expectation of getting something in return.

And if you are looking for a job, curiosity is still a good way to build rapport. Asking people what their companies need, what problems they need solved, or even how and when they hire is a far better strategy than just telling people about yourself. If what they need isn’t you, refer someone you know to them instead. Most likely, they will be surprised. And the next time they hear about a job, they may well contact you.