Have You Become a “Yes Man”? How to Stop the Cycle

Getting ahead in business is a lot about building relationships. But when does that relationship-building turn into self-sacrifice? Many people fall into the trap of taking on extra projects or picking up the slack of others. Unfortunately, being a “yes man” doesn’t always work out to be the best for you in the long run. Implement a plan to take care of yourself without losing those important workplace relationships.

Recognize when you’re taking on too much.

Becoming a “yes man” — or “yes woman” — often happens slowly. You may not realize it’s happening until you feel overwhelmed. The first step is to identify that you are doing more than you can handle. More precisely, you are accepting responsibilities and projects that others have simply passed on to you.

Try looking at this objectively. Ask yourself if it was happening to someone else, you would find it fair. It’s true most people have to work long hours and put in a lot of energy at their workplace. But take a look around and assess whether you are getting more responsibilities just because you are willing to take them on.

Become more comfortable with conflict.

Once you see that you’ve fallen into the “yes man” role, it’s time to make some changes. This may mean upsetting some people. Or in some cases, it may be no big of a deal at all. The key is to find a balance between the two. It is important to not let the fear of conflict get in the way of saying “no.”

Give yourself a pep talk before turning someone down. Recall some basic conflict management techniques, like those you might use in a difficult negotiation: demonstrate empathy, but hold firm. You can also have a set series of statements to pull out for the next time you’re asked to take on something extra. For example, you may say, “unfortunately my existing responsibilities mean I don’t have time to take on a new project,” or “unfortunately, I won’t be able to fit that into my schedule.” If you so choose, you can also recommend the person discuss their workload with their team lead if they feel overwhelmed, instead of passing it on to someone else.

For this last strategy, run your explanation by a trusted friend. And yes, all of this can be stressful — mitigate this with some deep breathing and self-reassurance that you owe it to yourself to find balance on the job.

Start setting small boundaries.

It can feel uncomfortable to shut down every request to take on a new task. It can also be awkward if you repeatedly say no to a certain individual, but not to others. You are the best judge of how to start setting limits. Perhaps the easiest way to set boundaries is to refuse categories of work, making it about duties instead of people.

For example, you can say, “My primary responsibility of X is occupying my time these days, so I will no longer be able to do X tasks.” Offer an alternative person to help out if necessary, in particular if you know of someone who is looking to develop skills and might be willing to take on a new project.

Deliver your own ideas.

Sometimes the “yes man” syndrome is connected to having no voice of your own. This can manifest in other ways. Perhaps you don’t speak up in meetings or discuss your points of view privately with coworkers. Start to reverse this trend by having your say. If you have access to decision-makers, discuss your ideas with them directly.

Own your perspective on issues by commenting during meetings. This can lead to a new dynamic in your workplace. You can become more accustomed to putting your energy toward aspects of the job that interest you, and not just what’s dumped on your plate by other people. Once that’s reinforced by others, you may feel more comfortable saying no.

Trust others to handle more responsibility.

Some “yes man” behavior comes from legitimate concern about the business and co-workers. There’s a belief that if you don’t take on a task, it won’t get done — or won’t get done well. Perhaps others have reinforced that idea, with apparent compliments like, “you handled this so well last time. Do you mind taking on this similar project?”

It may be the case that you can do it better — but ask if it’s better for you to do it. A way to break the cycle is to trust the capabilities of others. You may excel at certain things, and others may be novices. But delegating some tasks to novices helps them to grow and gain skills. It also lets you move beyond your established expertise. If you don’t currently lead a team, consider asking if new recruits can take on some of the work you are being offered.

Focus on your best achievements.

Remind yourself of your personal goals. You chose your profession, and your workplace, to make an impact. If constantly saying “yes” is no longer helping you to achieve your goals, it’s probably working against you. Many people are simply doing too much in their roles. You need energy and focus to get ahead.

Take an inventory of how you spend your time at work. Then compare it to how you spent your time a year ago. Come up with an ideal picture of your role and aim toward that. It will likely mean spending less time saying “yes” to others, and more time building your own resume of accomplishments.

In every profession, there’s give and take. Sharing the burden is part of teamwork. The key is to recognize when it gets out of control. Often, others just are not aware of how overwhelmed you may feel. Sometimes, a polite “no” is all it takes. If it’s more complicated, reassess, refocus, and use your conflict management skills to preserve your status and your personal wellbeing.

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Practice advocating for yourself with the help of a Career Coach!

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