What Not to Say to Your Unemployed Peers

The COVID-19 pandemic has played havoc with jobs and employment.

A historically high number of people were laid off or furloughed in the initial lockdown period, causing the unemployment rate to rise to unprecedented levels.

In fact, joblessness may be increasing even more now that it is clear the pandemic isn’t going away quickly, especially in some sectors. Businesses are still shedding jobs. In mid-October, for example, new jobless claims jumped yet again as employers continued to belt tighten by reducing their payroll.

As a result, you may well have unemployed peers, friends and colleagues.

Unemployment is generally a stressful event for anyone, causing both financial and emotional anxiety. It may be even more challenging during a pandemic where a very high number of people are unemployed.

Openings are more scarce than usual, after all – and to top that off, more unemployed people are looking for work.

Your unemployed peers may face much more competition than usual for every opening.

Over the long term, businesses may choose to soften wages, so the unemployed may find it difficult to find compensation at their previous level, creating even more stress.

What Not to Say to Your Unemployed Peers

It’s only natural to want to respond to the predicament of your peers. Respond sympathetically, of course. Listen carefully to what the person wants to talk about and respond to their concerns.

At the same time, be aware that many standard responses to unemployment aren’t helpful.

Some common statements to job-seekers can in fact create more emotional pain and stress, no matter how helpful the intent. Don’t let any of the following spring to your lips.

1. I bet you have a lot of free time!

This could be uttered as consolation – or even envy. What busy executive hasn’t wished for more free time?

But bear in mind that worries about the financial impact of being unemployed may be much stronger than any gratitude or happiness about free time, even for people who dreamed of free time when they were working. Many job-seekers may also feel the free time as a burden, especially if they’re in lockdown. They’d rather spend their hours working productively.

2. You’ll be fine.

This is undoubtedly meant to be reassuring and calming. But frankly, you don’t know what the person is facing. Their economic situation or emotions about not having a job could be difficult or even traumatic – anything but fine. Job loss causes genuine pain. If it continues for a lengthy period, it can cause disruption of all kinds, such as moving in with family or significantly scaling back career plans.

As a result, “you’ll be fine” can sound tone deaf to the recipient. Instead, listen to their feelings about what is happening to them.

3.  You have so much to feel grateful for.

You may intend to remind your peer that positive factors in their lives, like a loving family, friends, and good health, shouldn’t be ignored in a time like this! While that’s true, this runs the risk of sounding unfeeling. They also have much to feel stress, pain, and even anger about.

If you are friends and they want to discuss negative feelings, let them. Listen actively and sympathetically. Don’t interject what you believe their feelings should be.

4. How is the job search going?

To an employed person, this question may sound upbeat and chipper. But to an unemployed person, this question could cause embarrassment, unease, and anxiety (especially if it’s asked repeatedly). It can feel like unfair pressure to find a job. For many people, the job search may not be going well, especially if they worked in a very hard-hit sector (like travel) that is not yet on the upswing.

It’s a good practice never to bring up the job search. If your peer gets good news, they are likely to share it when they feel comfortable. Instead, offer to help in the job search by introducing them to your contacts or writing them a recommendation.

5. You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with work now.

If you and your unemployed peer worked in the same company and you’re still there, this statement may seem reasonable, especially if the workplace is much more challenging than it used to be due to COVID-19. Many remaining employees may be doing the work of two or more people, encountering entirely new situations with customers or supply chains, or even fearing an axe in the future themselves.

But for an employed person, “lucky” doesn’t enter the equation. You may inadvertently stir up negative feelings about the fact that you still have a paycheck and they don’t. Again, follow what they want to talk about. If they seem to like gossip about their former workplace, chat away. But don’t imply they are lucky or fortunate to be out of the situation.

6. You’ve got to be more proactive in your job search.

Never, never make comments about the job search that indicate your peer doesn’t have a job just because their efforts fall short in some way. It can sound like blame for a situation (pandemic) for which they bear no blame. To you, the statement could sound like constructive advice. To the job seeker, the comment could provoke stress or anger.

It can also make you sound very out of touch, especially if the job seeker has taken care to be proactive (or tried it and found it didn’t work). Simply being proactive won’t make a position materialize if companies aren’t hiring.

Again, the better bet here is to offer concrete methods of support. Pass on news of a company potentially hiring, for example, or a suggest an executive willing to participate in an informational interview.

In a period of widespread unemployment, you need to listen sympathetically to unemployed friends and colleagues. Respond to what they bring up – and don’t make any of these six comments!

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